Sunday, April 8, 2007

19 Baha / Splendor 164 BE

What do adversity and abuse have in common?

Why are thoughts on these two subjects being shared in cyberspace in one blog?

Living and working from a wheelchair (and since 1998 mainly from my bed) brought challenges that forced me to investigate what tests and trials are all about and so, after 49 years in this physical garment, adversity is a very familiar concept to me.

Growing up in South Africa has brought me face to face with the reality and horror of abuse.

The connection between adversity and abuse is not, however, "me". In fact, although my experiences will be used as a launching pad for discussion here, it is my deep desire that “me” will not be centre stage and that this forum will become a place of healing for others who are weighed down by adversity or are dealing with open wounds caused by abuse.

What then, is the link between adversity and abuse that we will discuss? To start off with, it is the theory that hardship, suffering and struggles can lead us to a place of hopelessness and despair and in reacting from pain and fear, abuse often results. When we learn to understand and work through and with adversity in a healthy way, we can contribute to lessening incidents of abuse.

If you have been abused, it might be painful to consider that the abuser has possibly acted from pain or fear. Please accept that this theory is not being offered to in any way justify abuse nor is this concept being coupled with adversity to in any way diminish the horror of abuse.

Abuse, whether physical, sexual, verbal, emotional or mental is wrong. It is simply wrong and devastates lives daily. Abuse erodes a sense of self worth and does not only wound the body but appears to bite into the core of our being and feels as if it eats away at our soul. Could this perhaps be because we know humanity is one and when abuse happens to us it feels as if we are the one doing the harm? Or are there other reasons why abuse cuts so deep? Do you agree that abusive behaviour often stems from pain or fear? What are your experiences with abuse and what mechanisms have you used to survive despite the trauma of abuse? Please write to me at renett@dynamiclt.co.za and please be sure to let me know whether you give permission to share your thoughts with others through this Blog.

As time goes by, God willing, my encounters with adversity will be written about here as will my experience with abuse. For now, let me share a quotation that illustrates why, despite living daily with severe physical pain, despite struggles that have often threatened to immobilise me there is a joy and peace within me that words cannot describe: "Today, humanity is bowed down with trouble, sorrow and grief, no one escapes; the world is wet with tears; but, thank God, the remedy is at our doors. Let us turn our hearts away from the world of matter and live in the spiritual world! It alone can give us freedom! If we are hemmed in by difficulties we have only to call upon God, and by His great Mercy we shall be helped." (Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 110) (For more about the adversity Abdu'l-Baha dealt with, please go to http://www.bahai.org )

If you wish to know more about me, please visit www.talkingunity.co.za

2 comments:

Dean said...

this topic is linked to many other fascinating spiritual questions. I will allude to two that come to my mind. First, what is the nature and purpose of our life here? The Baha'i writings suggest that, while no person has the right to inflict harm on another, at the same time, this physical world is not our ultimate home, and is not designed to be a place of ease and comfort. the forms of pain and discomfort experienced here seem to be as numerous as the inhabitants themselves.

Second, the need for an independent search of the truth. Two people, from the same family, near in age, with many common experiences, will experience the same adversity. One will become embittered, and the other will transcend the adversity and grow from it. to me, this suggests that adversity does not relieve individuals of the responsibility to investigate truth for themselves, and I also learn much from those who have overcome such adversity of the power of the human soul.

In this regard, while Renette would like to divert attention away from herself here, her life and experiences are highly instructive, and should be studied and pondered.

renett said...

Thank you very much, Dean. Yes, this does not appear to be a realm of ease and comfort yet we do the strangest (perhaps "dangerous" is a better word) things to try and make this earthly journey easy. We turn to substancce abuse, for example. We chose to run ourselves or others down. Why do we not use the spiritual to ease our way? Your life, Dean holds many lessons regarding chosing healthy ways to overcome adversity. Please share more about yourself when you have time - renett